This is one of my “favourite” term nowadays. I’ve heard it that many times that I feel sick of it.
But let’s see, what they used to mean by it.
For instance, I’ve heard from many of my friends, that his/her spouse/lover/darling “manipulates” him/her. Psy-cho-log-i-cal-ly.
Wow.
Really?
They usually mean, by it, such things like not being asked for-the-ninety-sixth-time-in-this-week-and-it-is-still-Monday that “Dear, would you like to come party with us?” The usual answer for this would be “If you want to come, you’ll tell”. This is, surely, offensive, but is it to that extent? These times I used to think, what is not offensive is boring, and vice versa. There are things that one has to get over. One example is “mutual agreement”, not exactly in scope of a divorce, rather of the problem given. Because this type of supposition does not take thoughts like “You wouldn’t feel good anyway”, not even with the extension of ”and you refused to come last time to just exactly the same place anyway”.
Sure, the – statistically trivial – answer is that “Oh, sure, I would not go, but anyway, I expect (and co.) you to ask me every time (otherwise you do not love me, blah)…”
However, even this could be heard fewer and fewer times, as – again, statistically – the usual reaction is fireworks (in the sense of “a burst of temper”).
Why it could not be heard? Well – and here comes the preamble section of the reason of existence for the Facebook app “women dictionary” – mostly because even the last time, only anger, bitching, and rage followed.
And?? So what?? – I ask vehemently, albeit from myself this time. What ended the anger, the bitching, the rage?
Possible answers:
- The logical party (I try to be objective regarding gender) understood, that there is a need for asking the already-answered thing(s) again, for whatever reason(s). In other words, one thrown away one’s logical nature. This option I consider bullshit, unacceptable, so let’s “eject” it.
- The huffy party managed to understand that the whole syndrome is fucking dumbness, and thus the disagreement is void. This is the optimal (and accordingly, the statistically rarest) case.
- The “offended” party rejects the possibility of understanding that the whole story is bullshit, still, acts like he/she had, for the sole reason of avoidance of anger, bitching and rage.
This latter option is the most frequent one, albeit total nonsense.
Nonsense, because there is no mention of practical agreement, it is only silent toleration and sustainment. In other words, the simulation of “peace” to the outside. This, however – not taking into account that it is one of the most disgusting and reprehensible phenomenon of the society, societies nowadays – has several disadvantages.
The first is the repression. We don’t give out what we have inside. This creates tension, or, with a trendy word, “stress” inside. We keep showing that we are “happy”, or similar, just like if anyone would be interested in our happiness. Then once we have enough, and commit suicide – or get mad and pursue a massacre on our family.
Or on the neighbour’s.
Be honest to ourselves, is it OK?
The second problem is that we just undermined the essence of “argument” successfully.
An argument always has one party who is right. (This does not exclude the possibility of both parties having “right”, if they talk aside each other without attention, but this will be the subject of a different post)
If we are right, few such “interest” can exist – in the life of a straight, honest and moral person – that can inspire one to repeatedly set this aside for a long period. Okay, sometimes it can happen that we “give in”, as the more clever party, for e.g. to see, whether we will have a “sorry” or “I was wrong, I just…” the next day.
But if we are not – and, in the example drafted above, my attitude is definite -, then it is totally unacceptable even in the smallest semi-representative, two-person entity of society, that we hold up our point repeatedly, again for a long time, while ”rather keeping silent”.
We shall understand that our emotions are not logical (and, as such, it is both impossible and useless to argue over them substantively), moreover, if we think something, that creates tension inside us, and we still remember it the next day, we ought to say, tell, or whatever – it.
Or let’s move to an uninhabited island alone, as honesty can be expected solely on mutual basis.
And, love and its well-populated family is based, hopefully undebatedly, on honesty.
Sure, for instance, women could often defend themselves with what I did not hear till the time anyway, that under “millennial repression”, the answer for even their rational, logical, and real reactions was violence, and as such, at least in some – smaller or larger – parts of the world, they have a profound belief that the reward of free speech is battery, the usual form of violence.
But this very same woman, at the same time, shall refrain from talking about emancipation and similar, very trendy ideas, as they may not fit the same mentioned parts of the world.
And, accusing someone of “manipulation” for not asking the same question repeatedly, just because a day – or a week – passed again… is more than shameful.
(Hey!! Who dismissed the “shame” entry from the Webster’s and when??
)
Still, today, I’ve run into a meaning of the title, which had blown all the remaining fuses at me.
Namely, I’ve got “formulated in face” with that the selective presentation of facts is “manipulation”.
I emphasize that I am not talking about quibbling, crooked reasoning. Just the selection and distinction between parts of the truth not being tightly coherent. This is the method a honest, straight person can accept at most, while fulfilling his sometimes conflicting needs. That said, only the truth. Okay, but what if that can’t happen? Then what? What? I tell you. Silence. One can remain silent, lying is not a real necessity.
But the person forementioned made clear to me, that it is more “honest” to her talking rubbish in the name of “tolerance” – namely, when one is “kind” to someone – who is otherwise “fuck your mommy”, of course, only behind his back – on interest, than when one suppresses (or mentions) facts selectively.
We could think what my literature teacher could, when once analysed one of my loosely-crafted reading report, and labeled a sentence “factual error”.
However the total eclipse only followed when the person with “special honesty definition” expressed her emphasized protest for my postulation, which sounded like “then the media is manipulating, ain’t?” (which I, given the knowledge that not only the selective honesty is their only weapon, handle as a fact for ages now)
Unfortunately, I did not remain with more options than finishing the discussion with her for the mid- and long-term. And writing this entry, of course.